DEAR SON, HOW TO WIN YOUR WIFE’S HEART – MY SECRET RECIPE

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Dear Son,

I am only doing this because your mum feels it is awkward to educate you about sex, women and drugs herself. Although I have “beefed’ you since the day you got unscheduled access to your mum’s breast before me, I would still do this. Learn these vital secrets and you will live a very long happy life.

  1. Women can intoxicate you more than alcohol or drugs
  2. You would never win an argument (example; see me writing to you)
  3. Never hit your wife… When you are angry , walk out.
  4. You are not a weakling telling your wife almost everything (Your friends would taunt you when you seek permission for an outing with the boys)
  5. Women are like phones you need to recharge them(one dinner date a year is suicidal).
  6. Let her know that you cannot read her emotions all the time (SPEAK OUT or you would end up on the couch most nights)
  7. She is not a man so don’t expect her to understand you sometimes (you cannot flip her like the TV remote).
  8. If you want to be a ladies man, treat your mother well(At least for my sake as well).
  9. Romance is not SEX.
  10. A woman’s body ages, love beyond her body.
  1. Don’t compare your wife to play boy models, in marriage SEX is a reward for companionship (I still don’t understand why, myself)
  2. Your money is her money and her money is her money; use the borrow me tactics (Now you understand why your mum says I would not lend you money next time)
  3. Your wife is your partner, she is like a man with a womb;  ”WOmbMAN” (sounds funny, ask God he made them from our ribs).
  4. Go for counselling, it helps to refresh your marital life
  1. I don’t do drugs and you shouldn’t even marijuana, no matter how medicinal they call it.

 

Got to go, have a meeting to attend.