Someone asked me recently, “Why would a couple want to have children when kids mess up a marriage so much?”
Funny as this question might sound, most marriages are under the strain of parenting. The joy of having a child soon fades away when you are faced with the reality of bringing up children. From the waking up at night to feed the baby, to finances, to connecting with your spouse. Then there was 1 and then 2 and then… The more children you have the harder it becomes.
Who didn’t enjoy the first few years of marriage, when you spent the weekends doing as you like, whether it was getting away for a couple of days, watching movies, reading books and when you had spare cash to burn anyway you liked?
In a marriage satisfaction study, there is significant decrease in marital satisfaction starting early in marriage. Husbands’ and wives’ satisfaction with their marriage appears to continue sliding downhill to the time from when the kids are born to when they become teenagers. At that point in time, parents’ satisfaction with their marriage apparently reaches its lowest point.
A friend complained to me over the weekend, Here is what she said
‘We have our second baby on the way, and from day one we have been fighting. I fear that having this baby will drive us even farther apart, and even though he has been involved in the life of our first daughter, he will most likely get upset about sharing the unpleasant and inconvenient parental duties. I fear he will give our baby more of the love and attention I so desperately crave from him just as he did with the first, and I know it will cause ugly feelings in me that I already feel guilty about. I am not looking forward to these feelings at all. I don’t want to think these things will happen, but I’d bet that they do. I can’t help being negative but I miss the closeness and comfort from becoming parents with my husband. Is it just me or do kids make the marriage worse?
Listening to her made me realize that she was not alone. Many of us have found ourselves in this situation at one point or the other, while some are getting closer to the teenage years. Does this really get better? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? Please share your experiences with other mums who are suffering in silence on this issue.
Have a blessed day.