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‘S0, HAVE YOU GOT ANY GOOD NEWS FOR US YET?

She looked amazing in her beautiful flowing wedding gown. As she walked down the aisle looking radiant, her husband beamed at her wondering how he got so lucky. Taking her hands in his, they made their vows – for better for worse, in good times and in bad. At the reception, there were all kinds of prayers most of which included the celebration of a baby in 9 months and everyone echoed ‘amen’.

Days flew by so quickly and each month became a roller coaster of emotions – husband waiting for the news of a missed period, wife calculating all kinds of calculation expecting this month to be ‘the month’. The couple started looking at each other, each person afraid to utter the words in their heart “aren’t you pregnant yet?” thought the husband. “Could it be his fault?” thought the wife. Family starts to question, in laws making snide remarks, friends asking the insensitive questions – una never ready to born? una still dey do honeymoon? It’s better to start now o? It stings and they have no idea how devastated you are. Everyone giving unsolicited advice on ‘how to do it’. Frustration sets in, husband becomes withdrawn obviously because he is also in emotional pain and you begin to wonder about the ‘for better or for worse”.

Waiting for your gift can be a very lonely place—I know you know this already so I won’t preach. I’ve walked that road, too. Though, maybe not as long as many but the feeling is still the same. I’ve had my times of crying in private after a friend tells me she’s expecting or after the news of someone delivering. Complaining to God about how unfair it is that people who don’t ‘deserve’ it have theirs and even throw them away or how little teenage girls who are fornicating can easily have one. The celebration days were especially painful – Christmas, Easter and the biggest one – Mother’s Day. It reminded me that I could not be celebrated and that I was not part of that special club.

I want to reach out to those who are waiting patiently for the gift of a child, for the sound of a baby’s laughter in their homes. God gives us the desire to be mothers as long as the desire does not take God’s place in our hearts and as long as we live to praise Him. When we become obsessed by it and start jumping from place to place trying to ‘help’ God and ourselves we lose sight of HIM and let our wants rule our heart. He is faithful who has promised. He is not man that he should lie and just as he has promised I believe we’re supposed to take Him at His word and just wait.

Sisters, don’t accept the labels people have placed on you – YOU ARE NOT BARREN you are just a ‘lady in waiting’. You will learn a lot of patience in this journey because trust me you will need it when baby comes. And even though we would all like to have a normal 28 day menstrual cycle with all the signs of ovulation so that we could “time” better and get a boy or girl child, think instead of how much glory God would get in the end if you tell others how you were able to conceive despite all the odds – the long cycles, mixed with unbalanced hormones and all the negative reports you have received. Think of it this way that your story of God’s miraculous power in your life is going to leave mouths open and jaws dropped. That’s what I call ‘iya lenu God’ – the mouth opening God.

It will be mother’s day tomorrow and while people are celebrating it can be easy to feel left out but as a lady in waiting, let God fill that void for you. I won’t say it was easy, but keep yourself busy with fulfilling your God given purpose. Refocus your attention on the one who was, who is and will come. And Today, just for today, let God be enough.

HOW TO KEEP YOUR KIDS ENTERTAINED WHILE SHOPPING

I used to hate going shopping especially with my children. I’m like a mad woman – shouting, warning and threatening. Sometimes you can pinch but you really can’t do more than that – you know its frowned upon to ‘strangle’ your child in public, right? (because sometimes you really want to (#dontgive me that look jor). They cause so much chaos that I would get looks from passersby – some with judgment and others with a smile saying ‘boys will be boys’ that I could almost sink in embarrassment. It’s even worse when you get to the supermarket, they want to touch everything and they always want chocolates and sweets – those ones neatly lined for their little eyes to see near the payment point (Shoprite very guilty) and the meltdown they get when you refuse to buy for them – Lord have mercy.

 

Now instead of depriving myself of going out I have developed a new strategy that works. Before we step out of the house, I teach them to obey my voice. Infact, we have an anthem of instruction we recite

– Do not walk away or run off from mummy.
– Do not go far without looking back to see that mummy is behind you.
– Make sure you hold your brother ALL the time.
– At the supermarket DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING
– When mummy says NO, she means NO (if you contest it we will ‘meet’ at home). Do you understand?
– If you disobey (you will still ‘meet’ me at home)

Tips for Mummy
– Make sure your children pee before going out (mummy is not going to run around looking for toilet for you to pee or wondering whether to enter the male toilet or female toilet)
– Always, always carry a ‘bribe’ item for that meltdown moment. It will surely happen if you have a toddler. Carry a new sticker or a coloring book, maybe small chops and keep the children occupied before this crucial meltdown time.
– I see so many parents immediately rush to their crying child trying to give them something or do something to satisfy them. This is reinforcing the behavior that anytime you want something, you just cry. Don’t get it? Cry louder and harder. If this is you, please stop. Don’t allow your child to have that control. What are parents afraid of? Embarrassment? Other parents understand, you don’t have to worry about that.

Most importantly, teach your child that he/she is not the center of the world, and they don’t get everything they want, when they want, just by crying. This has made going out with them a lot more bearable and I hope it continues otherwise, they will ‘meet’ me at home.

How do you cope with tantrum/meltdown when you go out with your children..

WHAT DO MEN REALLY WANT?

Beauty attracts men but wisdom keeps them. Elegance catches men’s attention but intelligence convinces them. Nagging irritates men but ‘constructive silence weakens them. The ‘boy’ in everyman pumps out occasionally, your ability to handle this, is a woman’s truest maturity. Men have secret struggles and silent pains, should you ever find them out exhibit the greatest maturity. In the long-run your ‘words’ matters more to a man than your ‘looks’ so invest the right words. Earn a man’s respect and he will consider you the yard stick for all his action. Learn to mould the moods of your man. Men wil naturally give you their futures if they can recall your maturity in yesterday’s issues.. Women are every where but queens are scarce. Let the queen in you come alive and he will hold you in high esteem

Goodmorning and enjoy your weekend.

COUPLE GOALS VIBE

Does wearing Mr and Mrs (whereby you wear matching outfits – also known as ”anko.”) for outings you are attending together make you feel like a power couple? I know some men don’t like looking like they are their wives twin brother. lol.

Some women say it heightens a romantic experience and can turn a simple outing into a romantic one while others say if it is a constant or everyday thing then it becomes scary, obsessive and may seem that one of the couple is a bit to clingy. hmmm…

What is your take on this? ‘Anko’ champions your opinion please

IS YOUR DAUGHTER YOUR BEST FRIEND?

.But Uncle was her friend.

Mr George was her friend, she was just 10….he was also her mother’s brother, her uncle he had been living with them for as long as she could remember. Uncle George was young,strong, confident, very good looking, a player,he had alot of girlfriends. He was also her best friend, he took her everywhere , showered her with gifts, nobody could lay a hand on her for fear of Uncle George. He’d often take her out to visit his girlfriends or to buy clothes..anything to put a smile on her face. She trusted him, Uncle will never let anything happen to me she thought…Uncle loves me. Uncle is my best friend. She loved him so much.

 

One day, Uncle introduced something else into their perfect relationship. He led her upstairs to her room, while her brothers argued downstairs engrossed in a video game they were playing, oblivious of what was happening or was going to happen. He told her to sit down and then he locked the door.

 

She had no idea what was going on, maybe uncle just wanted them to stay here…maybe he just wanted to do all those silly faces and tell all those stories that made her laugh. Uncle told her to lie on the bed, its Uncle so she did, she had no idea what was happening…maybe Uncle wanted to play a game.
Uncle put his hand up her skirt, she didn’t know what/how to feel. He was her Uncle, her best friend, this is probably okay, she was 10, what did she know, he would never hurt her, she didn’t know. This was Uncle

 

He touched her in places no one else had ever touched….he put his mouth all over her body… but this is Uncle…Uncle cant hurt me. He gave her a jar of Vaseline and told her to rub it all over his privates. ..but this is Uncle my best friend…. she had no idea what she was doing….how it would affect her for the rest of her life…. right then and there she was just doing everything to please Uncle. Uncle did a lot of things to please her before, he bought her things, took her out…now she’s doing something for Uncle. They are just playing, innocent play

 

Uncle did this for the next three years until he left.
Uncle has gone. But the memories never leave. Uncle’s actions led her on a long search for love…when she was old enough to realize what uncle did she broke down. Not Uncle, not the person i loved and trusted. Uncle’s actions messed with her head, messed with her relationships, she went looking for love in all the wrong places and on all the wrong faces. Uncle made her believe sex was a way to make someone like you..but it wasn’t…so she liked all the wrong people, who treated her badly….she had such disdain for intimacy and sex….and would only do it to please a man…that’s what Uncle made her believe.

 

Uncle still calls her once in a while…but Uncle acts like nothing is wrong. like he didn’t do anything… like he hasn’t in some way.

 

How do u get over being molested/abused by the one person you loved/trusted….that one action that led to so many bad decisions, hurt, rejection and pain… Uncle was supposed to be her friend. How can a friend hurt you like that.

Culled from schoolnerd.

HOW GREATFUL ARE YOU?

One day I was mopping the kitchen floor and my words were anything but cheerful. I grumbled to myself…no one even appreciates all that I do around here. All I ever do is clean, clean, clean. Then suddenly, God began to whisper a new thought to my heart. Suppose you were blind and couldn’t see the beautiful patterns on the linoleum floor, or the spilled juice by the refrigerator, or the crumbs under the baby’s chair? If you were deaf, you couldn’t hear the soothing sound of the soap bubbles dissolving in the scrub bucket. You couldn’t hear the rhythmic sound of the mop being pushed back and forth across the floor’s hard surface. Suppose you were confined to a wheelchair and not strong enough to stand upright and grasp the wooden handle to erase the muddy footprints and make the floor shiny and clean again? Suppose you didn’t have a home or a family to clean up after?

These thoughts brought a new perspective to this mundane task and my grumblings turned into a prayer of thanksgiving. I stood up straight, proudly grasped the mop, and began to pray. Thank you, Lord, for the privilege of mopping this dirty floor. Thank you for the health and strength to hold this mop, for the ability to wrap my agile fingers around its handle and feel the wood in my hands. Thank you for the sight to see the crumbs and the dirt, for the sense of smell to enjoy the clean scent of the soap in my bucket. Thank you for the many precious feet that will walk through this room and dirty it again. Those feet are the reason I do this job. And Lord, thank you for the privilege of having a floor to mop and a family to clean up after.

Oh yes, how a Godly perspective can change our attitudes and the words that reflect them. When we begin to praise God in the middle of the mundane, He refreshes us with a new outlook on life!

Enjoy your weekend

To my teenage child somewhere in the future….

A LETTER TO MY FUTURE TEENAGER

Dear Child, If you stumbled upon this letter, I am sure NEPA has taken the light and you were so bored that you had to ransack my drawers..

When you came into this world, my life was forever changed. Your father and I knew that we would face a mountain of difficult challenges ahead especially as you grow to become a teenager. Oh well, you have reached that age where you would rather listen to your friends because you think that mummy talks too much or daddy too dey disturb you, so maybe hopefully when you read it in form of a letter, you will be so curious to see what mummy has to write that you will finish reading it before you realize say na advise I dey give (*smiles*)

Life will throw many curveballs at you, timing is almost never perfect, but you have to make the most of it. But here are just a few things mummy wants you to know and keep close to your heart
1. Do not put your trust in NEPA or PHCN or whatever they call it in your days. Make sure you always iron whenever there is light otherwise you will look no different from that man under the bridge. Do not procastinate on that dear.

Now on to more serious advice.

  1. Educate yourself. Be pretty but be smart too. Let your gist go way beyond what the latest video game is or what colour of powder and lipstick you use or whether justin bieber is the hottest guy singer. (me I no sabi justin bieber but them say the bobo hot, but that is not the point)
  2. Please face your book o and read plenty novels and correct magazines. Dont join the category of ‘gbagaun’ people o. I take God beg you. So you won’t use english like ‘more better’ or ‘coal slur’ or ‘a couple of few days’ please, please read your book oooo! So ti gbo. Ehen. 
    You kuku hear my posh English so no go disgrace yaself.
  3. Rejection will definitely happen. Whether rejected by a girl or boy. Rejected from your job application, but remember its not the end of the world. It does not mean you are not good enough. Its just one of those things…. remember that you will reject people too.
  4. Don’t be in such a hurry to grow up, you will only get there and start wishing you were younger again. So enjoy your youth
  5. Another thing, just be yourself. Run from peer pressure..run as far away as you can. Do not let people influence you, instead you influence them. See Barack Obama…if you do not know him, just google it, and while you are at it, google every great person that ever lived. (That should keep you busy sef)
  6. The day you decide to ‘borrow’ my car or daddy’s car be weary of police o. The police is not your friend but abeg respect them. Olorun o ni je ka ri accidental discharge l’agbara Olorun.
  7. Be kind to people. Always have a smile on your face. Have fun and hang around people who always make you laugh, but please no dulling, be street smart and don’t take nonsense. Go and ask your grandma, I was the local champion in the hood. (*winks)
  8. Always be the good child that I taught you to be. Be respectful and all and don’t think you are too old for me to use that my koboko. I did not kill my parents so o le wa pa mi.
  9. Most importantly, Know God. Not church. Rev father. Not Brother Isaac or pastor job. Have a personal relationship with HIM and you will go very far.

I only pray that Naija will change. The world may not necessarily change but the advice still applies.

From your loving mother in the present day Naija.

THERE IS NO MANUAAL FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE

I once asked my friend, “What is the secret behind your happy married life?”
He replied, “You should share responsibilities with due love, and respect to each other. Then
absolutely there will be no problems.
” I asked, “Can you explain?” He said, “In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues whereas my wife decides on smaller issues.
We do not interfere in each other’s decisions.” . .
Still not convinced, I asked him to give me some examples. .
He said, “Smaller issues like how many kids to have, the neighbourhood to live, which car we
should buy, how much money to save, who, when and where to visit, which sofa, cooker, refrigerator
to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not, where to
go for holidays, whose mum we should visit etc, etc, are decided by my wife. I just agree to it.
“I then asked, “So then what is your role?” .
He said, “My decisions are only for very big issues.
Like whether America should attack Iran, the uranium enrichment in North Korea, whether Britain should lift sanctions against Zimbabwe,
how to fully exploit Africa’s economic and Intellectual potential,
whether Yoweri Museveni and Barack Obama should retire, whether Arsenal FC needs to buy
new players or change their coach to improve their play, whether Usain Bolt should retire now-while still at his prime etc, etc.
My wife never objects to any of these decisions and we live happily”

Happily married indeed!!!

BE SURE OF HIS PERSONALITY TRAIT BEFORE YOU SAY ‘I DO’.

I just thought to share this as I know that there are people out there dealing with worse cases. Not many people know of this traits (passive aggression). It is simply a trait where one can not express anger and it is bottled up. The anger or resentment is then expressed in other ways making your spouse clueless as to what they have done.

This is a true story of a friend living with a passive aggressive husband. I used to think I had a difficult husband till I heard her own dilemma. She finally opened up to talk to someone about it. She grew up thinking that issues in marriage should never be discussed with a third party as it can cause a divide in the relationship, so she kept it to herself all these years while we her friends kept on believing that she had the perfect marriage.

Some have been lucky to get a turn around in their better half but others are not so lucky and are either living with depression or have had to get a separation.

She had been married 6 years before she realized her husband was passive aggressive. She was emotionally drained and frustrated especially as she did not know what she was dealing with initially. Now she feels cheated and disappointed that she has thrown her life away to a marriage that gave her nothing in return.

Every day for the last 8 years of her marriage she just wanted to leave her husband. But for the stigma. For the sake of family, church community and friends she endured. She was afraid of being labelled a ”failure” as she could not make her marriage work. She was afraid she would be punished by God for even dreaming to leave as she is from a christian family. She tried all she could to be the ”perfect” wife to make things work just to save face.

Maybe, if she was more loving. Maybe if she put his needs above hers – after all marriage was about compromise. She took the blame for everything. It must have been her fault for him acting the way he is acting now. He never used to be like that.

The ”Perfect” Start of a Relationship

When Sarah first met her husband Dare (names have been changed to hide their identity), he was the perfect gentleman. You know the kind you see and you just feel like you connect on so many levels. He was loving and eager to please her. He always let her have her way and she always won the few arguments they had.

Life was going on smoothly or so she thought. She had not really noticed any changes until she decided to take time off work to raise their 2 children. That was when it all started…

After the first 5 years of her marriage, she began to feel lonely and unhappy. She was afraid to share her fears with anyone since she was sure she may be the problem. If she had opened up to me then, I would have said she was crazy as we could see from the outside thatDare loved her very much and would give up anything for her.

It was at this stage she started noticing his passive aggressive traits, but she could not put a name to it as she had never heard of the disorder before. Her husband came from a dysfunctional family and she felt lucky that he was ‘different’ from them. Now she knows she was totally wrong. What she thought was him being cool and calm was actually him being cold and calculating.

His Cruel traits just fits the description
Dare was easily frustrated which he blamed the pressure at work (mind you he was self employed). He would get angry when she did something he thought was the wrong way but he would never talk about it. He became distant. It was her fault that his business was not progressing. It was her fault that he has not fulfilled his life goals. It was her fault that he drank too much. It was ALL her fault.

Sarah tried to talk to her husband about the changes she had noticed in him that was making her unhappy, but it was never the right time to discuss anything. As far as he was concerned she was to demanding of him.

He always talked her down, criticized her. In his head he was the perfect person. Only him knew how to do things right.

The constant lies were frustrating. He would lie about everything and his excuse was that he did not want to hurt her or put her through any trouble when in truth he was actually afraid of what she might say. He never discussed issues relating to their finances, how the money coming in was being spent. He would lie about little things that he did not even need to lie about. It was just a habit with him. She had become so paranoid with his lies that If he told her that the sky was blue, she would have to think about it and wonder why he has made that observation and what he is scheming.

He would never keep to promises he had made. She only then came to realize that the so-called promises he made was just to get her off his back. Whenever she expressed a need or desire, he would promise to do more, saying he loved her and only wanted her to be happy, but he would never follow through on the promise or even take any action to show that he had taken her complaints on board.

All the time she supposedly got her way with him or won any arguments, it was because he was afraid of confrontation and would just give in. Communication with him was one-sided with her doing all the talking and him doing all the listening.

Sarah bore all of this and more. He had hit her once in anger and she was so sure she would leave him, but how does she tell her friends and family that her perfect marriage is going up in flames.

She started reading self-help books to help improve her marriage and make her a better person and that was when she stumbled upon the word passive aggressive. Her husband was all of it. Now she knew she was not crazy and that was when she told me about all she had been going through. I was in shock.

I asked her to speak to her husband about it and if possible give him an ultimatum to make changes or she would leave him.

She has spoken to him about it and they are going through therapy together. Although she has read a lot of negative experiences about how people with passive aggressive traits don’t change but things seem to be looking up and we are praying for the best.

Just like my friend Sarah, many are going through this sick kind of relationship called Marriage. Living in fear of being labelled, dying in silence and wilting away. Loss of self-esteem, loss of self worth.

My advice for this kind of problem or any marital problem at all would be to protect your dignity and self worth at all cost. Keep your friends and family close to you at trying times. I would rather the world judge me than for me to kill myself with depression trying to change a husband on my own. Most importantly seek help. Any help is better than none at all.

WHAT IS YOUR CHILD WATCHING ONLINE?

As a parent you have to understand that children are excited about the use of the internet and may even know how to use it more than you do. You may have noticed your 6year old pick up your phone every chance they get to ‘play’ games on your mobile phone.

With the advancement of technology comes the evils associated with it. Children in this generation are more intelligent and are getting wiser since they are more exposed to the use of GSM and internet.

WYou may not always be able to monitor what your child is up to online, but you can be ahead of them and take practical steps to protect them while making use of the internet or mobile phones.

These are just a few safety tips you can use to ensure your childs safety online

1. Password protect your computer/Mobile phone – if they have to use it, they come to you first.
2. Keep the computer in an open space. This way any other family member can easily see what someone else is doing on the computer. 
3. Block their access to sites you do not want them visiting at all
4. Educate your children on the dangers of the internet. Explain to them why it is important to take precaution at all times. And make them understand that not all information they get on the internet is true, anyone can lie to them to lure them into danger.

Most importantly open communication with your kids is important. Know their friends and be more involved in their activities. It may not be easy, but it is very worth it.

Have a happy Monday

HE NEVER TELLS ME ANYTHING

He got home from work, after a welcome hug and the usual kiss, he says ‘what’s up’? Just as I was about to give him the ‘gist’ about my day, he cuts me mid-sentence and asks ‘what’s for dinner?’ – first offence, I no vex

I rushed into the kitchen to dish his meal and serve him. After the meal, I decided to cuddle up and spend some time with him. I then asked, so how was your own day? And he answers with a simple word ‘’Fine’’. Then there was silence. Just Fine? I said. 
I was expecting details, details, detail. But all I got was ‘fine’. Somedays, I am lucky he talks about his day, some other times well, not much.

Have you ever wondered why your husband doesn’t talk much?

Well, it is said that Men speak in short phrases with little or no details, whereas women speak in paragraphs, giving lots of story-like details. Men want and need the “bottom line” first, while women want and need details, details, details.

It is estimated that on average men speak 12,500 words in a day while women speak almost 25,500 a day. So when your husband spends the whole day at work using up 12,495 words, he comes home with only five words left! When he arrives home from work he says, “What’s for dinner?” (that’s three) and if you are lucky “Good night” (that’s five!).

Men communicate to report facts, while women communicate to build rapport.

So the next time you start feeling like “he never tells me anything” remember that he has used up almost all his words at work and has managed to reserve the last 5 for you.

WHY MEN WILL NEVER APOLOGISE.

Is it just me or has anyone else ever noticed that men are so resistant to the use of the apologetic phrase, “I’m Sorry,”

S-O-R-R-Y
A simple 5 letter word that is easy to spell, yet so difficult to say.

It is easily said to strangers in trivial matters like accidentally hitting a passerby on the road or giving the sales girl the wrong change. Yet in important matters and to those who mean the most to us, we can find ourselves practically choking on the words.

I remember crying to my brother about an argument I had with my husband over a little matter, hoping that he would see from my own perspective that my husband was wrong and that I deserved an apology. 
This was our little conversation.

Brother: Yes, I understand what you are saying, but has he made changes about what you complained of since the argument. 

Me: Yes He has. But I still want an apology 
(He laughs)

Brother: So what more do you want? After all his actions acknowledge that he was wrong and he is sorry.

Me: (Crying loudly) I said ‘all I wanted was for him to say sorry you were right.

Brother: I can bet that may never happen. 

Imagine my shock.

After much research and finding out from other mums, I realized I was not alone in my ‘plight’. Almost everyone I spoke to complained about the same thing – Men would just never apologize.

Here are some of the reasons you will not easily hear a man say those simple words.

1. Fear of being controlled by a woman – Men never talk about what they did wrong. That would be emasculation. Its like handing a woman the remote control, they will take the chance and remind you about it every time. (Weird! I wonder where that idea came from)

2. Men are unnecessarily proud – Apologizing can be hard for men because it means admitting to a fault. It’s just hard to say that they were wrong and have messed up. Their pride just gets in the way

3. Embarrassment- Most men say admitting they are wrong make them feel stupid and would rather pretend like it didn’t happen. Why embarrass yourself in front of your wife? It will just reduce the respect level.

4. Anger – Most men believe that arguments that require an apology are rarely one-sided. Yes, they probably did something wrong, but the other person probably did too. And sometimes anger over how their wife has offended them is so great to justify what they have done wrong and so can’t get past it to apologize. (hmm – wives take note to ask for an apology nicely)

5. Upbringing – A lot of Nigerian men were brought up to ‘stand up’ for what they believe in. Saying sorry is a sign of weakness and that is the last thing they want to show. (Mums, just one more thing to note when bringing up you boy child)

6. Not a big deal – Sometimes, the issues may not necessarily be a big issue enough to warrant an apology. This is a perfect example – If a man cancels an appointment with his friends at the last minute, it’s never a big deal, you never need to say “sorry”…

But, If a woman cancels on her friend, the apologies will go on for a least three days and will most likely involve a special “my treat” payback.

Deep down every Man/husband just wants to be a hero to their wife. Heroes rescue damsels in distress and never go about showing off their weaknesses. If they did, the whole world would fall apart.

So next time you and your Super Hero have a major argument, pay more attention to what he does and less attention to what he says. If he starts spending more time helping with the dishes and less time watching tv, maybe you were right and he was wrong.

Just don’t expect him to say it!.

A PRAYER FOR YOUR HUSBAND

The most powerful thing you can do for your husband is pray for him.

Pray with me.

Dear Father,

I pray for my husband today, that You may surround him with favor as a shield. May he find favor wherever he goes, and that he would be a blessing to everyone he meets.

Let his life be long and blessed, comfortable and holy; let me ever be a blessing and a comfort to him. 
Help him to be a Godly husband to me, and a Godly father to our children.

Where there is frustration, offer him your gifts of Wisdom and Patience.
Where there is pain and hurt, let your healing Peace and Mercy wash over him.
Where there is despair, open his eyes to see the Light and grant him Strength to proceed towards it.

I pray that You will give him fresh insight and inspiration to do his work and that You will renew his strength as the eagle’s.
Let him be a man of influence for you. Let others look upon him and see the hope of your glory.

May You prosper him in every task that he puts his hand to and may he Be fruitful in all he undertakes as he seeks the counsel of wise men and delights and meditates in Your word.
Enable him to see himself as you see him, he is more than a conquer, and he can do all things through your strength.

Father, silence all other voices in his mind, and his social circle that would tear him down and give him confidence and boldness in you Lord.

May You give my husband a deep thirst for Your word and may You give him a strong hunger to move in the power of the Holy Spirit.

Father, I know that You will lead him into all truth by your Spirit.

May our love abound still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment, and may we be filled with the fruit of righteousness, which comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God

I thank You and praise You and have confidence that since You have begun a good work in my husband, You will complete it.

Thank you father for answered prayers. All glory and praise be unto you in Jesus name I pray.

Amen.

DID CHILDREN MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE BETTER OR WORSE?

Someone asked me recently, “Why would a couple want to have children when kids mess up a marriage so much?”

Funny as this question might sound, most marriages are under the strain of parenting. The joy of having a child soon fades away when you are faced with the reality of bringing up children. From the waking up at night to feed the baby, to finances, to connecting with your spouse. Then there was 1 and then 2 and then… The more children you have the harder it becomes.

Who didn’t enjoy the first few years of marriage, when you spent the weekends doing as you like, whether it was getting away for a couple of days, watching movies, reading books and when you had spare cash to burn anyway you liked?

In a marriage satisfaction study, there is significant decrease in marital satisfaction starting early in marriage. Husbands’ and wives’ satisfaction with their marriage appears to continue sliding downhill to the time from when the kids are born to when they become teenagers. At that point in time, parents’ satisfaction with their marriage apparently reaches its lowest point.

A friend complained to me over the weekend, Here is what she said
‘We have our second baby on the way, and from day one we have been fighting. I fear that having this baby will drive us even farther apart, and even though he has been involved in the life of our first daughter, he will most likely get upset about sharing the unpleasant and inconvenient parental duties. I fear he will give our baby more of the love and attention I so desperately crave from him just as he did with the first, and I know it will cause ugly feelings in me that I already feel guilty about. I am not looking forward to these feelings at all. I don’t want to think these things will happen, but I’d bet that they do. I can’t help being negative but I miss the closeness and comfort from becoming parents with my husband. Is it just me or do kids make the marriage worse?

Listening to her made me realize that she was not alone. Many of us have found ourselves in this situation at one point or the other, while some are getting closer to the teenage years. Does this really get better? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? Please share your experiences with other mums who are suffering in silence on this issue.

Have a blessed day.

Are you a real Mum?

You know you are a real mum when you have said 3 or more of these things, if not all. 
You have heard your mum say it, now its your turn. 
Raise your hands if you have said any of this, and if you have not said them yet, be patient you still will. Enjoy

1. Because I said so, that’s why
2. Just wait until your father gets home.
3. You’re going to sit there until you finish all your food otherwise you’re getting it for dinner
4. This is for your own good. One day you will thank me for this.
5. Am I speaking a foreign language?
6. Look at me when I am talking to you
7. I’m going to give you until the count of three… 1.. 2.. 2 and a half… 2 and three quarters
8. I carried you for nine months..
9. I brought you into this world and I can take you back out of it.
10. When you move out, then you can do whatever you want to do, but until then you will do as you are told
11. Will you stop talking and eat your food
12. Stop that or I will beat you
13. Are you deaf or something?
14. Do you think money grows on trees?
15. Don’t ask me WHY. The answer is NO.
16. Don’t you have anything better to do?
17. I didn’t ask who put it there, I said “Pick it up!”
18. I don’t care what everyone else is doing. If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?
19. Now, come back here and go back WITHOUT slamming the doors!
My personal favorite
20. Go ask your father – (it means case closed)

A SPECIAL PRAYER FOR MOTHERS

Dear heavenly father, we pray in gratitude for all mothers who have joined with you in the wonder of bringing forth new life. Grant to them the courage they need to face the uncertain future that life with children always brings.

Give them the faithful support of their husband, family and friends as they care for the physical and spiritual growth of their children.

Give them joy and delight in their children to sustain them through the trials of motherhood. Most of all, give them the wisdom to turn to you for help when they need it most. 
May Your Holy Spirit constantly inspire and strengthen them in Jesus name we pray. Amen

WHO KILLED ROMANCE? MEET THE SUSPECTS

Remember when you first hooked up with your spouse? I bet it was a romantic moment. Eyes locked on each other,he smiled at you, you blushed bla, bla, bla – you wanted to find out everything about them, spend all your time with them, couldn’t keep your hands of each other, and were probably full of ideas of great things to do together. But after being together for a long while, I can bet things have fizzled out compared to the beginning.

So what happened?? What or rather (who) killed romance?

Suspect 1 – OVERFAMILIARITY- Does that word even exist? Well, I guess so. You already know everything about each other so no need to ask anymore questions. No more – how was you day. No more tell me about your dreams. No more thank you for the meal(afterall its her job), no more thank you for the housekeeping money (its his responsibility anyway) and the list goes on. Simple advice: stop taking each other for granted, it kills the romance

Meet Suspect 2 – THE ONCE GOOD LOOKS – Ok, tell me. Men, so what happened to that sweet smelling perfume you used to have on you while we were dating? Women, Why do you no longer make your hair every week like before? Men, I used to love kissing your shaved beards, now the shave bumps and grisly beards wont let me. Keep up with the beer drinking and people will start asking us if we are both pregnant

Simply put, all the effort into your appearance and hygiene, that thing that made you both fall hopelessly in love with each other – now all gone – poof. Well done.

Meet Suspect 3 – THE CHILDREN – poor innocent ones have to take this blame. After sleepless nights and being daily covered up with poop and wee, you no longer see yourselves as partners but as children-bringing-up team. This is an unavoidable suspect, but you can both come to an understanding not to take any argument or fight to heart. When you find time, dump the kids with relatives for a while and go do something fun together. Deal?

Suspect 4 – DO ME I DO YOU – He did that, so I will do this. “Why does she always do that? Well, I’m not going to say anything about how it upsets me, but I am gonna stop doing that other thing, just to even things up. Then if she says anything, I am gonna explode at her out of nowhere cos of all this pent up resentment. And I’ll just start being indifferent about any conversation she starts because I’m mad about this thing that I’m not gonna talk to her about. That is how you keep the romance alive buddy. Great job at killing your romance.

Suspect 5 – TECHNOLOGY – BB? iphone? whatsapp? computers? Well I rest my case with this picture.

If you recognise these suspects please arrest them immediately. Enjoy your day.Top of Form