What to do, when your marriage feels like a box

This might not be the best of all titles but I felt the need to write about this because often times the onus is for women to “jump start” relationships, which can be burdening coupled with the fact that you have kids and your career. It is just insane, you might say? Why must the woman be at the receiving end? If he cheats, we pity him because the world says he is a man, and he sees sex as escapism.


And when you do , you are damned because no one sees reason for you to.


Sometimes pressure might be finance, you probably are doing everything to keep the family up and shining(so that your mother-in law doesn’t complain). All he does too. is complain of how wasteful you have become and it looks as if you are not supportive.


And as the marriage gets older, he complains of how you are not taking care of yourself for him. How you have changed and you are not there anymore and he sees his job as his space and how difficult it is to make ends meet and yet there is no spice in bed. He has forgotten that your body also grows as well with time, and then he puts on this “no-touch incarceration”. Denying you emotional gratification for putting your life on hold to follow him all these years.


Have you tried talking, communicating, fighting and even crying (is it working?).

So what do you do when your marriage feels like a box? Take a step backward.


What is most important is YOU. You need an environment that makes you feel good, and if you can’t find one, create one. Have you tried staying apart for sometime? It helps. Just suggest it to him, men are motored to find solution to challenges.


You see men thrive when they feel the need to create an atmosphere of comfort, so telling him you need space would make him find ways of making it right (without you walking out the door).

Sneak Preview of how it works:


A man is a logical being, and sees life in spaces or boxes. Everything must be in one line of control(literally in one straight line), that’s why we are  not multitasking. And when he sees deviations from this line; no sex, no money, family issues etc he complains a lot because he cant grapple with all these at once unlike women who beat them into shape. Ok! So walk to your man and throw a spanner in the wheel by asking for space. A good man knows that the centre piece to his puzzle is his mate and when she says I have had it , he lets go of all just to make that centre piece be in place. He would do all he can to make you comfortable again. More dinners, gifts, soothing words just to make sure you are happy again and then he knows you have his back again.

When he does this, don’t patronise him. Help him make you happy. And start afresh.

Phew! This is the longest piece I have written.