Choosing a partner – Character matters


I love him so much he is the apple of my eye. He is the air that I breath. I will die without him bla bla bla …. the only problem is that he lies.

I love him…. bla..bla..bla.. but the only problem is that he is a womaniser.

I love him but he has anger issues.

I love him but he has anger issues ..(fill n the gap)

Character matters.

I’m not talking about money. I am not talking about physical attributes. I am talking about the person’s values. What makes that person who they are. Before you marry you need to understand WHO they really are. Look beyond the I love yous. look beyond the mushy feelings. Look beyond the trips to Mr Biggs etc and see them for what they are.

Do this short exercise. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Imagine that person you are dating. Split them into 2. Put love/sentiments/emotions in the back burner. Focus on that person and truthfully pick the persons character and assign to each of the split image you have in your head. (Please be truthful). If in doubt about where to put a certain character – put it in negative. If it bothers you then it is clearly not a positive. Now, when you are done look at those images again and see which one appeals to you more.

You need to know the real person you are dating before you decide that that person is who you want to be the father or mother of your children and the one who you want to entrust your life to for the rest of your life. Look beyond his car. Look beyond his love for looking good. Look beyond all the material things and GO SLOW. If you are not sure GO SLOWER. Time is your best friend and time will reveal who they are and what they are about. And please when you see, don’t deceive yourself and stay put. You can not change a man. Counselling can not change a man. Only God can. So unless you want to turn to prayer warrior and climb mountains every time for the rest of your married life. Please give yourself advise and take a long walk.

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