His money is ours and her money is hers


Ok, I am really worried about the ‘his money is ours and her money is hers’ response we throw around lately. Seriously ladies, we are talking about husbands ooo, not some stray man on the road. Don’t forget too that a happy man makes a happy wife. It works both ways. God help us.

”Most of the time we have wrong concepts of marriage and our responsibilities in it. Women, what is your purpose for getting married. It is just to ‘legally’ have a man to take care of your. needs. Am saying legally because this attitude is simply that of ‘married’ mistress. You want to be equal partners in marriage, you want equality, you want liberation, you want the man to consult you in every decision he has to make, you want to be strong, independent; yet to be treated as a girl. You married a man, made a vow before God and his people that its for better for worse, you said all that you have is his and he said the same thing. You are partners for Christ Sake, not competing with each other. Where did we get this phrase of your money is our money and my money is my money. This is simply selfish and wicked.

As partners you both bring your earnings together and discuss what should be done with it. If he is to take care of projects like building or fees etc and she with house up keep etc, discuss it and keep to it. What then is she doing with her money as a wife and partner in this venture. Someone made a comment that he should be earning more than the wife. Did he choose to earn less? Or should he reject his present job to look and look for one that pays more than his wife. Is he in competition with his wife or what? I don’t know where we got this concept that being the head of the home equates earning or making more money than your wife. I pity the man whose only authority in the home is based on the size of his pocket; for the day your wife earns enough to take care of herself (not necessarily more than you) you loose that authority. As Christians. The first Authority a man must establish in his home is spiritual . A man must be able to give spiritual direction in the home, have a vision of what he wants of his home and give directions to be able to get there. Discovering, Guiding and directing each member of his household to their full potential. This is what makes you the head of the home! You are a Full grown woman with a good job yet your happiness is determined by the expensive gifts that a man gives you. You need to grow up! Now am not saying men shouldn’t give gifts to their wives, but to demand the type of gifts especially in a situation where she knows what the husband does with his money is just being callous. And to compare your husband with other men is just childish, she can as well go married the other men. He might have bought expensive gifts while courting, but as a couple you have a future to build and should advise your husband to cut down on the expensive gifts. I remember friends of mine who bought an expensive material of MIL (the wife’s mother) and she rebuked them that they were too young in marriage to spend that kind of money on her. She told them they needed to save up for their kids, get a house and establish themselves before spending that kind of money on her. My point is, this woman does not understand what it means to be a wife and a helpmeet. These are the kind that leave a man when things are down. Dear poster, you both need counselling on what it means to be married and partners in this ventures.

Ladies, am not saying men shouldn’t raise up to their responsibilities of taking care of the home and you, but if you want to be treated with respect, act respectfully. You are a wife, a joint heir, a partner a helpmeet and not a married mistress. Don’t marry a man with the sole purpose of being taken care of especially if God has blessed you with a good job. Some women are sincerely looking for jobs to help their husband with the burdens he bears. If you are looking for a man to take care of you, please be a mistress.”

Contributed by Mngohol Ukpi Grace Gwaza

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