How to change your husband

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We all never want to change because we feel we are right or justified and it is on the other person to change. The words on the tongue of a woman dissatisfied in her marriage are usually ‘I want my husband to change’.

You’re really angry at him. You’ve explained your point of view a million times but he never listens. You can’t believe how someone who claims to love you can be so insensitive. So, you wait. You’re convinced that eventually he will have to see the light; that you’re right and they are wrong. In the meantime, there’s silence. But the tension is so thick in your house, you can cut it with a knife. You hate the distance, but there’s nothing you can do about it because you’re angry. You’re really really angry. Now your anger is turning into a prayer point and you are begging God in your anger to change your husband.

My dear, you are wasting precious energy holding on to your anger. It’s exhausting to feel anger and resentment day in and day out. It takes a toll on your body and soul. It’s bad for your health and hard on your spirit. It’s horrible for your relationship. Anger imprisons you. It casts a dark cloud over your days. It prevents you from feeling real joy in any part of your life. Every day you drown yourself in resentment is another day lost out of your life. What a waste!

I will share with you a simple story of something similar. I used to complain of how late my husband would get up during the weekend. I would wake up and try to complete the housework while resenting him for sleeping into the morning because of all I had to do. No matter how much I complained that I needed his help he would tell me how tired he was and needed the extra hours. One day, I started to wake up even earlier. I would take the children for football classes. It was very early but I committed to doing it. Whenever we returned the children would share with him how their practice went. Over time he started to look forward to us coming back so he could hear their stories. One day I returned and he had cleaned up the kitchen. I was like ‘honey, wetin happen?’. He said ‘oh i know how exhausted you must be after taking the children out so I decided to do my bit and help out. Hmmm… Was that all it took? You mean all these while I was lamenting I only needed a shift in the method?

Well, that’s what change does. It is contagious. It’s like a chain reaction. If one person changes, the other one does too. It really doesn’t matter who starts first. It’s simply a matter of tipping over the first domino. Change is reciprocal. It’s a law of relationships. If you are not getting what you need or want from your loved one, instead of trying to convince him or her to change, why not change your approach to the situation? Why not be more pragmatic? Remember, insanity has been defined as doing the same old thing over and over and expecting different results.

Between changing the male gender and changing yourself, the latter is a much more realistic goal. In dealing with guys, you have essentially two choices: accept him or dump him. There’s not much in between. Look, life is short. We only have one shot at it. Make your relationship the best it can possibly be. Stop waiting for your partner to change in order for things to be better. When you decide to change first, it will be the beginning of a solution to many problems. Try it, you’ll like it!

Your prayers must first humble and change you before it can change another human being.

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