A fan asked ‘what is the difference between married and happily married?’ I thought very long and hard about this and tried to understand the question. What is the difference? Hopefully if you are married you should be happily married right? Well, it seems not every one who is married is HAPPILY married, so I guess there is a difference.
Let me try to answer it the best way I can. The difference between married and happily married is the place of friendship. Happily married people place their friendship as the highest priority in their marriage. That is why it is important to be friends with your spouse. The mushy butterfly feeling is good, but a solid foundation of friendship is better.
When everything is going wrong in the relationship (or in life), couples who are happily married will draw on the biggest asset they share – their friendship. Solid friendship is constant work in progress, and it changes as people age, as interests change, as children are born, and as the home becomes empty (when the children are long gone). Happily married couples always work to build their friendship with their spouse to ensure the roots – like a plant – grow strong and deep, creating qualities which serve the marriage when it’s forced to weather a storm. In spite of hardships that will happen, they look for the joys in life. They believe there is always something to be grateful for, and they look for the gift in each difficult experience. Above all, they remember the value of keeping a sense of humor, laughing and having fun together.
To be happily married you need to avoid the wrong kind of thinking that will destroy your marriage. The devil will trap you with thoughts like these: “Our marriage was a mistake.” “She doesn’t understand me.” “I can’t take much more of this.” “We can always divorce if necessary, afterall bible permits it.” “I’ll go home to mother.” “He smiled at that woman.” Stop thinking thoughts like these or your marriage is gone, because your thoughts and senses control your actions. For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he.” Proverbs 23:7.
Successful marriages do not just happen they must be developed by both parties. Each person investing into the marriage – maybe not at the same time but definitely investing in it. Butterfly feelings die after a while, so a conscious effort to build the marriage will lead to happily ever after. Be prayerful, be intentional and have God in the centre of your home. “Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it.”Psalms 127:1.
Spend less time trying to “figure out” your spouse and more time trying to please her or him. This always works wonders.
Hope I managed to cover your question.