Okay ladies, enough of the moaning. We have lashed out at our Men enough. How about changing our strategy and living a normal, happy and healthy life.
See our Men work very hard to provide for us, and although maybe we believe they should share the responsibility of household chores, there are many things that men just are not able, mentally, to realize. Men are not “multitaskers”. (Well, apart from eating, watching TV and texting all at the same time).
It has been proven that they cannot concentrate on more than one or two things at a time. That is why they seem to be “ignoring” us when they are watching TV. They honestly do not hear us because they are focusing on something already. If we are able to understand why they do, or don’t do, the things that we think they should, we would be much happier as a whole.
It is as if the mental picture of us struggling with all the house work make us feel important and fulfilled. This got me thinking, do women have an inbuilt need to feel like we are doing it all? Do we secretly enjoy the anger? Do we just have a different relationship with chores than men do?
I work longer hours than my husband and if you ask him he would say he does his fair share – no actually he would say he does more than his fair share. Do I agree? Absolutely not. I feel a constant pressure to do it all, so why the mismatch?
The truth is Mothers cannot direct their anger at being woken up at all hours of the night, bitten, kicked, yelled at, cried to, etc. at the wonderful little children (because it might seem we are not grateful to God for this gift) , so the next closest person is the Husband. That’s what I think is the main factor in these cases, a husband is often a target for frustration that cannot be vented at the child.
To be fair I think a lot of mothers after child birth play mini-gods and have this ‘my way or the highway’ attitude. As if there is a correct amount of sleep required, an standard breakfast, an exact amount of milk to feed, etc. to which only she had a magical understanding of.
So what does one do?
– Let us learn a great lesson from our husband, just like them, focus on one thing and complete it. If you ask him nicely to watch the kids after breakfast he will, but the dirty plates may still be sitting on the kitchen table when you return. Take life easy, do one thing at a time – if you don’t do the chores the house will not fall apart. If you like a tidy house – get someone in to help with the hard chores – cleaning the bathroom or kitchen or even going to the market. Do not burden yourself with more than you can handle and feel angry that he is not helping.
– Your husband isn’t going to do everything to your exact specifications. Just because we’re crazy about dust-free cupboards doesn’t mean our husbands have to be. And just because we never feed a baby eba for breakfast doesn’t mean it’s wrong. You need to let go of our “control freak” ways when your husband does something different from the way we use to. If he manages to do anything at all to help, try to appreciate the small steps forward when you can, like when he does the washing or cleaning without being asked. “If he didn’t fold the clothes, try to be happy that he washed the clothes. Yes, it’s frustrating when everything isn’t done the way you would do it. But is your relationship not worth much more than neatly folded clothes?
– have you noticed how your husband seems to have more time for himself than you do? Same way find time not to do any “tasking” at all. Have a quitting time each day. Say after 9pm (or whichever time is convenient for you) no more work just relax and try not to feel guilty. My husband doesn’t feel guilty when he wants to watch TV and there’s cleaning to do, so why should I. I’m trying to enjoy myself.
Sometimes, being happy with the effort leads to greater feelings of happiness overall. “Fighting can leave you feeling really worn out all the time. And if your husband does something you consider really stupid, like forgetting to feed the kids, abeg resist the urge to blow up and seize control. When you do this, you make him feel incompetent.
Always remember, the children will soon grow up and you can be free a bit but It’s critical to have time to do things that make you happy. Feel free to be selfish a little bit.