S-O-R-R-Y. The hardest pill to swallow



A simple 5 letter word that is easy to spell, yet so difficult to say.

It is easily said to strangers in trivial matters like accidentally hitting a passerby on the road or giving the sales girl the wrong change. Yet in important matters and to those who mean the most to us, we can find ourselves practically choking on the words.

I remember crying to my brother about an argument I had with my husband over a little matter, hoping that he would see from my own perspective that my husband was wrong and that I deserved an apology.
This was our little conversation.

Brother: Yes, I understand what you are saying, but has he made changes about what you complained of since the argument.
Me: Yes He has. But I still want an apology
(He laughs)
Brother: So what more do you want? After all his actions acknowledge that he was wrong and he is sorry.

Me: (Crying loudly) I said ‘all I wanted was for him to say sorry you were right.

Brother: I can bet that may never happen.
Imagine my shock.

After much research and finding out from other mums, I realized I was not alone in my ‘plight’. Almost everyone I spoke to complained about the same thing – Men would just never apologize.

Here are some of the reasons you will not easily hear a man say those simple words.
1. Fear of being controlled by a woman – Men never talk about what they did wrong. That would be emasculation. Its like handing a woman the remote control, they will take the chance and remind you about it every time. (Weird! I wonder where that idea came from)

2. Men are unnecessarily proud – Apologizing can be hard for men because it means admitting to a fault. It’s just hard to say that they were wrong and have messed up. Their pride just gets in the way

3. Embarrassment- Most men say admitting they are wrong make them feel stupid and would rather pretend like it didn’t happen. Why embarrass yourself in front of your wife? It will just reduce the respect level.

4. Anger – Most men believe that arguments that require an apology are rarely one-sided. Yes, they probably did something wrong, but the other person probably did too. And sometimes anger over how their wife has offended them is so great to justify what they have done wrong and so can’t get past it to apologize. (hmm – wives take note to ask for an apology nicely)

5. Upbringing – A lot of Nigerian men were brought up to ‘stand up’ for what they believe in. Saying sorry is a sign of weakness and that is the last thing they want to show. (Mums, just one more thing to note when bringing up you boy child)

6. Not a big deal – Sometimes, the issues may not necessarily be a big issue enough to warrant an apology. This is a perfect example – If a man cancels an appointment with his friends at the last minute, it’s never a big deal, you never need to say “sorry”…

But, If a woman cancels on her friend, the apologies will go on for a least three days and will most likely involve a special “my treat” payback.

Deep down every Man/husband just wants to be a hero to their wife. Heroes rescue damsels in distress and never go about showing off their weaknesses. If they did, the whole world would fall apart.

So next time you and your Super Hero have a major argument, pay more attention to what he does and less attention to what he says. If he starts spending more time helping with the dishes and less time watching tv, maybe you were right and he was wrong.

Just don’t expect him to say it!. Let him win this one

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