I have opened up my word page over and over, each time I close it up. Hmmmm! The things going through my mind, can I put it in writing????????????
How does a woman explain the feelings in her heart towards a man who isn’t her husband? Who can she share the carnal thoughts she’s carrying in her head with? It is simple really, the bible condemns it and the society frowns at it but……………HELP ME!!!
It was a normal sunny work day and I was restless by mid-day because the work just wasn’t there to be done. I decided to go out with a friend for lunch (something I don’t usually do). We had finished lunch and like a lady I had to use the ladies room when I bumped into someone by the stairs. The someone turned out to be a really fine looking dude and such a sweetheart (I love to see fine guys who speak well, that doesn’t make me a bad person does it? especially when he sounds like an angel and resonates every word- sigh)
My fine looking, angel sounding guy then asked politely “are you okay? “OH boy, I was now because even the toe I stubbed wasn’t throbbing at that voice. I had to clear my voice to answer the “Oh yes I’m good, thank you”. To cut the long story short, he escorted me back inside and boy was I happy my friend had decided to go to the car because it was an opportunity to keep talking to Mr gorgeous and I wanted to enjoy it since I wouldn’t be seeing him again.
By the time we walked outside the restaurant I was laughing like we’d been friends for a long time. I didn’t think it was a bad thing idea when he asked for my number and bb pin (Na wa oh, I used to before) I said in my mind, there’s nothing wrong with making new friends. We exchanged contacts and said our goodbyes and even though I reminisced and smiled for a while I forgot on seeing the work waiting for me.
I normally don’t have time for my bb whilst at work so I didn’t see his invite, I picked up a call from an unknown land line and that voice greeted me.
Me: Hey you, I said! and he responded
Him: You don’t want to accept my bb invite right?
Me: Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t see the invite because I was trying to clear my table.
Him: That’s okay. I called because I wanted to confirm you didn’t give me a fake number since my bb request was hanging.
Me: why would I do that I laughed (the flirtatious kind). Okay check it now, I’ve accepted oh.
Him: Hmm! Nice bb name, care to explain how you came about it?
We gisted for almost thirty minutes, both of us laughing at almost everything the other person said and then he said “you should have had dessert after lunch but since you didn’t I’m sending you something from cold stone, what would you like? Oh my God, I love cold stone ice-cream I gushed.
Wait oh, at this point I need to mention the fact that we are both married……..
I decided to let him choose the kind of ice-cream and fillings he thought I’d like and we ended the call. The ice-cream came and boy did he know me or what? It was cake batter ice cream with hazelnuts, pecan and coconut sprinkles. I died and woke up again, how did he know? I called him up immediately and aahed and oohed. He said it was a favourite for him as well and something told him we had the same taste. We talked for a bit and flirted too, talking about the ice-cream and how it made us feel was so exciting and fun. I got off the phone after his “eat some for me too” and kept thinking of doing something in return.
I was getting ready for home when my phone rang and he said he wanted to accompany me home on the phone seeing that I had a long ride because of the heavy traffic today that was fine with me because I did enjoy our chit chats, flirting and arguments. We talked about lots of things and nothings and true to his word he never got off the phone till I told him I was driving into my gate.
All through talking to the children, going through homework and getting ready for school and work the following day my mind kept wondering back to him,. I wasn’t surprised when I got into bed and noticed a message on my bb from him “I couldn’t resist saying goodnight again my new buddy” and I responded “Have a wonderful night buddy, lol”. We ended up chatting back to back and I didn’t even look at the time (Considering I am so particular about shutting down at 10pm this was a first). I only came back to reality when I heard hubby’s voice and I quickly typed “I gotta go, oga at the top is back, sweet dreams”. I had brushed off the thought earlier that I was doing something wrong just by enjoying our communications but my last message to him made me feel guilty, if I wasn’t doing something wrong why was I hurrying off our chats? Hmmm!
Serious reflection before I went to sleep and I decided I was going to cut off this thing(whatever it was) before it got too far. Hence the reason why I didn’t reply his bb message at about 8am and 11am respectively the following day. I got a call about 1pm and I didn’t know that number so I answered. Hey buddy! Oh dear, that voice again………. Hi, I responded how are you? He asked if I was avoiding him or just really busy and I said I was really busy that morning is all. He invited me for lunch and I told him no lunch break for me today oh. He mentioned how pained he was but he understands so he’ll leave me to my work. I felt sad and I missed him all of a sudden but hey it was best right?
I got a call from the reception that I had a delivery and whilst heading down there I wondered what it could be. My buddy had surprised me again by sending me Chinese and a note where he scribbled “if Mohammed will not go to the mountain, the mountain will go to Mohammed, enjoy your meal buddy”. Aww! I was so touched…. I called him when I went to the cafeteria to say thank you for his thoughtfulness and he suggested since he was eating same we could just gist through our meal together (lol). I love Chinese food and he ordered Basmati rice with chicken sweet and sour sauce, yummy yum yum! Im sure the people who came in to eat with me would have been wondering who I was on the phone with because I didn’t pay anybody any attention. It was a lovely meal and I might as well have been sitting with him right there, I told him so and he agreed.
For days, we talked back to back and our bb messages got longer and later into the night and I was on the phone when cooking, driving etc. We started planning a lunch date from Saturday afternoon for Monday and the excitement at seeing him was great, every time Mr Conscience popped up I brushed it off saying to myself “I’m not doing anything wrong now”. So, Monday came and the time for lunch dragged, I’m not sure I said anything worthwhile at the management meeting that morning but no one complained so………..
Like a perfect gentleman, he came by my office to pick me up and he drove a sexy looking car (I’m not a fan of cars, I just admire them when they are fine). Opening doors were his thing too and I couldn’t resist teasing him when we sat down to lunch and boy his grin turned into a blush (I swear)when he suggested we stop by cold stone for ice-cream I had no objections and time was far from my mind because I was having such a great time. We decided to experiment with different types of ice-cream and fillings, both taking different things so we could taste what the other person had. I knew I was in trouble when after our ice-cream, he brushed the side of my chick to wipe off ice-cream stains and there was a pause……………………….it couldn’t have lasted more than a few seconds but it was so electrifying it felt like an hour. OH MY GOD!!! I actually thought about kissing him and I could see the smother in his eyes as well, it was awkward for me after that and I finally remembered the time.
The silence in the car was too much and weird and he eventually said “can we talk about it?” Hmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Talk about it? How can I talk about something I don’t understand?
I went back to work that day, telling him that I needed to understand what almost transpired before I could talk about it and when he dropped me off his words followed me into the office “don’t run away from me buddy”
A lot of people will condemn me for feeling this way about a guy I just met, but the truth is in the few days I have known this guy he’s added more colour and romance to my life than I have had in the past 6years with my hubby. Let me take you back………….
My relationship with my hubby has not always been about romance, I chose to marry him because of the secured feeling I got from him and because of his unshakeable sense of responsibility. I loved him for those reasons and as we grew together from having nothing to all that we have now and bringing our two darlings into the world the romance part was not a big deal for me. I did try over the cause of our marriage to introduce romance in our relationship and to be fair he indulged me once in a while and I honestly thought I was over the romance thing until this hit me in the face.
Anyways, I decided on my way home to try and open up a channel of communication with my husband and started by sending him a very suggestive bb message but I got a reply completely outside my message about him being busy and might even get home late. Sigh!!!! I tried to initiate a romantic night when he got back but again I was politely rebuffed “I have an early morning presentation and I need to work on it tonight”. I got ready for bed ignoring the red blinking light of my blackberry suggesting new messages but when I got into bed I couldn’t resist anymore. He had sent me 18 messages and the last 2 was a subtle threat of calling me if I didn’t respond to show I was okay. What now? He hasn’t been a part of my life all this while and nothing happened to me, what kind of a devil is this man? I thought. I sent a reply ‘’I am alright, thanks. Have a good night” and turned off my blackberry. I said a prayer that night. Please God, help me be strong and to remain faithful. And then I started asking myself questions, how did he get in? Why did I let him in? He may be handsome and romantic but so what? (Oh, he is handsome sha. sigh!)
I got out of bed in the morning with a banging headache because I dint sleep well and got ready for the day like a zombie, even got late to the office(something I never do). As I drove into the compound I noticed a car that looked like his at the car park and brushed it off thinking “now you see him everywhere you go”. I turned round so fast when I heard “Hey buddy” Oh my goodness, he looks so delicious. I started binding in my mind as my mouth worked out saying “hey you, what are you doing here?” With those lovely teeth flashing at me “I brought you coffee and cupcakes, I figured you must have had a lousy night like me”. I got on the defensive and he was apologetic for his assumption but said “buddy, I don’t want you to run away and that is why I came. I don’t understand too; please let’s understand this thing together”. How can I refuse that, especially the way he said it too.
We went for an early dinner and talked about our attraction for each other, we tried to analyse it and came up with different reasons why we should remain just friends. Weeks went by and no day starts or ends well without sending each other messages and talking to each other. He’s even met my kids and I have met his kids. We have gone to watch movies and have had several cold stone experience one would think we’ve been friends since childhood. In all our encounters we have had several awkward moments when the attraction was blinding and almost ended in near kisses, but somehow we have turned into a joke and laughed it off.
We went for our weekly movie date (once a week) and since I had gotten into the habit of driving with him in his car we were going to drive out of the island together. We made a quick stop by his office as he wasn’t coming in early the following day and needed his laptop and I went in with him so I could use the ladies room. Done, I went in search of him and he was still trying to leave a message for his PA so I sat down on the couch. I asked for water and he got me a glass , as our fingers touched……….. I saw it in his eyes before it happened and my God I wanted him to kiss me so badly, so when he bent his head towards me I leaned forward.
The kiss was everything I had imagined it would be, and even more. When we finally stopped for air,I was breathing so hard and hot all over I couldn’t look into his eyes. He then said “we finally know what this thing between us is, what do you wanna do now? “You can’t ask me that kind of a question here and right now, I screamed in my head”. Like the gentleman he pulled me to the chair(not couch) and like a fool in love (|YES! I realised I was in love with him)í listened as he tried to calm me down and alleviate my fears. I somehow agreed with him to meet up the following day in more private quarters.
I already called in sick so I could have time for my getaway with buddy so by the time the kids went off to school the house was quiet.
Being in the house alone so quiet was strange and uncomfortable, and I got thinking. I had a flash back or was it a dream and I caught myself, the guilty pangs and I began to sweat and breathe hard. How can I do this to my husband and children? What will my reason be? The shame if I’m caught, everything I’ve put into my relationship all gone down the drain. I turned off my phones and locked myself in my room, got into bed and cried whilst saying a weak prayer. I woke up feeling very light when my little darling crept under the duvet with me; I looked at his eyes and knew I had done the right thing.
I had settled the kids with snacks and home work all done, still feeling emotionally low but I refused to think about buddy (I won’t lie, I missed him real badly). I opened up my laptop to catch up with some work and I froze at the incoming mails…….It was from him (all 12 of them), how did he get my email address? Did I give it to him? With those questions running through my mind I opened the last mail and the content sent cold waves through my body “you are so self-centred and selfish, how dare you make this about you alone? You should have had the decency to call or send a message to cancel our appointment; you have not seen or heard the last of me b….”. How dare he send me such a mail I thought? Well, thank God I can see him in his true colours, thank you Jesus. I deleted all mails from him after reading the venom in each one from the fifth mail I knew I had been dealing with a maniac, I had no idea he was so obsessed with me. I made up my mind not to have any contact with him and deleted every contact(my bb and my phones)
The children had taken their baths and we were all cuddled together watching cartoon, I needed the warmth from their bodies to shield me from the different emotions and guilt I felt. I couldn’t wait for my hubby to get back and join in the family cuddle so I could feel safe finally so when we heard the car horn we all jumped up and headed for the door with the children screaming “daddy daddy”.
My cousin came into the parlour just has we got there and said it wasn’t daddy but someone was at the gate to see daddy. I decided to go and see who it was and maybe get a message and the kids shadowed me out, when we got to the gate OH MY GOD IT WAS HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I froze in shock and managed to mutter, how did you get here? What do you want here? My kids recognising him chorused “Hello Uncle” (I never gave him my address, he’s never been to my house before, how did he get my address? OH my God, this guy is a lunatic. With all the strength I had in me, I dragged my kids behind me and ordered them to go inside and then I turned and faced the handsome monster in my compound.
Me: what do you want? How did you get my address?
Buddy: with a devilish smirk on his face he responded ’a gold fish has no hiding place buddy?’
Me: how dare you ask to speak with my husband? Who really are you? Then it hit me again, I didn’t give him my email address too and I felt cold all over my body. Did you have me investigated?
Buddy: do you know who I am buddy? You should know, that I’m not a man you can run from.
I decided to appeal to the sweet guy I knew in him(or thought I knew) when I looked at the time and noticed it was almost time for hubby to get home.
Me: please, you are scaring me.
Buddy: you think? You haven’t seen anything. You owe me buddy and I intend to collect.
Me: please, lets talk about this somewhere else, this is my home.
Buddy: you brought me here buddy but I will go and you will meet me tomorrow at my office, 4pm . You will meet me right?
I nodded because I was choked up in tears and couldn’t speak, I would be damned if thus guy saw me cry after letting him see how scared I was. He turned round to leave but not before flinging back at me “Turn on your damn phones; you know what happens when I can’t reach you.
He had barely gone when hubby drove into the house, I looked at his face to see if he noticed buddy’s car but he didn’t. I must have been so relieved because I broke down in tears as soon as I hugged him. He was so patient and stroking me until I stopped crying before he asked?(babes, what’s wrong? I looked at him with all that love he was showing and I was ashamed. How can I tell him of my betrayal? It will break his heart and I can’t let him suffer because of that monster can I? so I told him I had a bad dream and I was happy he was back safe. I almost confessed when he decided to say a joint prayer that night and committed my supposed prayer to God.
My blackberry had no peace that night, I didn’t dare turn it off for fear he might just show up again at my house but I didn’t respond or read the messages either. It was a terrible night for me. Hubby was travelling the following morning and I hoped I could use the 2 days he was gone to clear my mess. I must have slept off early hours of the morning because I opened my eyes when my alarm went off and got ready for work with a heavy heart. Whilst driving to work I made a plan to call my mother and confess my sins, one person at least had to know what I got myself into. The plan was to drive to my family home during lunch and tell her but I never got that opportunity because buddy showed up at 11am. Oh God, what do I do about this mad man? What did I get myself into? I refused to go out to meet him and so he just stays there and for every hour he was out there I got a new gift. He finally leaves and I ran out of the office and drove like a mad woman looking through rear view mirror every minute. When I eventually parked my car at the front gate, I took a deep breath. I was going to confess to my husband. He will forgive me right? I had to let him know. It won’t be easy but to save myself from this lunatic, it was time to fess up. The house was beyond quiet- -it was shut down. Not even the noise of the kids. I called out to the housemaid but no one answered. Perplexed, I made my way into the house, not sure if buddy had done something terrible to my family. As I entered the room my eyes fell on a manila envelope lying on the dining table with my name on it. My hands shook as I removed the contents.
‘’Dear Lara”, the note read, ”enough is enough and one time was too many. Make sure you pack your things before I return. I am with the kids, so don’t worry about them’’
Goodbye, Your soon to be ex-husband.
My past flashed before me as a series of glossy prints tumbled out of the envelope. Speechless, I gazed at photo after photo. Sickened, I doubled over in agony as the reality of my actions hit with full force, my gaze fixed on the final photo of me kissing mr handsome guy while sharing a stone cold ice cream with him
Story by Liscious.