Almost 50% of mums get angry with their husbands once a week or more. I know I’m not the only one who gets mad at my husband. Whenever I see the phone number of a certain close friend on the caller ID, I know she needs my understanding ear because her husband has dropped a load of cash on some fancy electronics while telling her she can’t have someone in every other week to help clean the house or wash the basket of clothes, or because he let the kids eat junk food and play video games while she was running errands, and now they’re hyperactive and have refused to go to bed early. Meanwhile, his smelly shoes are dumped in the bathroom and his boxers are on the floor, making her feel like she’s married to nothing more than an overgrown man-child.
These are the kinds of things we complain about when we get together with our other mum friends, often making a joke out of it for laughs.
Honestly, though, it’s not that funny. None of us signed up to live like this.
We love our husbands — but we’re mad that we spend more mental and physical energy on the details of parenting. We’re mad that having children has turned our lives upside down much more than theirs. We’re mad that these guys, who can manage businesses or keep track of thousands of pieces of Chelsea and Arsenal football information, can be clueless when it comes to what our kids are eating and what supplies they need for school. And more than anything else, we’re mad that they get more time to themselves than we do.
A lot of mums don’t tell their friends what they’re going through, or they make light of it. This is really surprising, since our mum friends — who’d understand better than anyone — could be a great source of support. “When we make jokes about it, it’s one way of talking about it without admitting to ourselves that it’s really bad. Not that we should tell every one we see what the problem is, but it makes sense to pour out our frustrations sometimes.
We should talk to each other — and be more honest about the depth of our feelings. There’s great comfort in knowing you’re not alone, you’re not unreasonable, you’re not crazy.
Although, the ones we also really need to talk to, however, are our husbands. The fact that so many mums are mad, and that so many of the complaints are similar, is significant. And maybe that can give all of us mums — who love our husbands but wish they’d just be…more like us — the push to make some changes, to delegate more and demand more for ourselves. Anger can be frustrating — but it can also be motivating.
Watch out for my next post on how I have learnt not to be so angry and live a happy normal life. ( I can not come and keeee myself)