When expectations are not met

I expect him to help with the house chores. I expect her to always look her best. I expect him to be romantic and take me to Paris as surprise for my birthday. I expect him to know that Telemundo is a form of relaxation for me but he would prefer to watch football. I expect her to have time for me even after having a baby. I expect him to look after the children while I am busy in the kitchen. I expect him to carry out his duties as a man. I expect her to be willing to give me sex 3 times a day, I expect that he understands that I cant have sex more than twice a week.
Expectations! Expectations!! So let me ask, how are your expectations working out for you? I am guessing you are very disappointed, frustrated and angry. Oya calm down.

You see, expectations are a big problem in every marriage. They are just the way you BELIEVE other people should act (probably based on how you grew up or how things were done around you) Which is very different from how people actually act (based on their different upbringing). Another thing to note is that many expectations are never shared with the other person. They are always in our minds. They are unspoken — likely, never met and mostly end in failure. But even if they are spoken, expectations are a big problem. If you expect something from someone, and they do it, then they have only just met your expectation no big deal. No praises, no appreciation and  If they don’t do it, you will get disappointed.

So what to do? Should we not have expectations in our marriages?
Now, what you really want is not expectations but an agreement. Expectation forces your will on others, agreement allows the other person to accept your offer WILLINGLY. Agreement means that when you verbalise what you want, you invite the other person to accept or not. If agreement is not reached, then you can negotiate till you get to a point where you both feel comfortable with the decision made. This allows both spouses to carry out what needs to be done WILLINGLY building a stronger bond in your relationship. So, don’t expect. AGREE

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