You get home after an exhausting day, your wife is gisting with her friend on the phone. She managed to nod her head to you to acknowledge that she knows you have arrived. After 15mins you had undressed and came to the dining to have your dinner and she is still on the phone, this time holding the pot and waving it around and in the heat of the gist- suggesting to you that she is getting your food ready. You take the remote and flip through the channels hoping to catch up on some news while the ‘food’ gets ready.
Out of boredom you could not help but to eavesdrop on the ‘gist’. All of a sudden, she snaps her fingers above her head and says “I no kuku invite am! Ee go be sey ee don hear about am from that iin friend now!” You automatically know this is an issue that, first, has nothing to do with your wife and, second, has everything to do with some lady she obviously doesn’t like. Nigerian women always dislike someone and then must promptly tell everyone that they dislike this person. But anyway, your wife continues with something like “Wetin I go say now? I no talk to am, ee just dey blow pass anyhow”, which confirms the fact that your wife didn’t even talk to this lady, but is still bitching about her anyway because her presence at the aforementioned party just pisses your wife off…! This conversation between your wife and her friend, most likely, will go on for anywhere from 2 to 4 hours. The whole basis of this conversation is who invited this lady that your wife doesn’t like to this party that your wife didn’t host. It’s intense. If you stick around long enough, you’ll eventually hear your wife kiss her teeth and say something completely useless like “Shoo. Anyway. I no go talk.” What that means, of course, is that her 2 to 4 hours on this topic are up and it’s time to talk about why her friend number two didn’t show up to this party even though she said she would.
Most Nigerian women spend at least 50% of their free time on the phone gossiping. There’s never a dull moment when talking to a Nigerian woman because there’s always something to talk about. Yes, even topics that do not and will not ever concern them are debated for hours and hours.
Whether by Text or Phone Conversation…..thanks to technology
I’m pretty sure this scenario isn’t new to anyone.
As for whether you had your dinner. That is story for another day.