Not too long ago my marriage was a complete mess. We fought so often about EVERYTHING. Ehn, you did it your way, I want it my way. You did this like this and this is how I know how to do it. Sometimes I wonder where these fights were when we were dating. Truly, marriage is an eye opener. I saw the other side of my husband – not the very good side. I was too stubborn to give in and he was even more stubborn. Chai!! He was a typical man and he struggled and fought hard to take control. I kept telling my mum I was tired and I wanted to leave. I was done with this marriage and afterall I wont be the first divorced lady in the world. I wanted my freedom. My mum spoke to me at length and told me it was a phase and it would soon pass. I cried to her about how I wished he was more like my dad – compassionate, loving etc. My mum laughed and she replied with ‘do you think your dad was always like this?’ Shocked I listened with intent – she said the success of your marriage has to start with you first. You want a loving marriage? It all starts with me. When someone is trying to steal your joy (knowingly or not) it is your choice to let them or not let them. When you are having a rough day it is your choice to choose to be stuck in it or focus on what your worth is to God and let Him turn that day around. So also in marriage, it will be your choice to be the kind of wife that God has created you to be. It will be your choice to be a virtuous woman who makes your husband happy to come home from work and sad to leave. Yes, he will also have decisions to make about how to go about being a Godly-husband, but you need to take accountability for yourself. It all starts with YOU.
God didn’t call you to be your husband’s pastor. He didn’t call you to preach to him. He didn’t call you to be his nag. The way a messed up husband is won is not by the preaching skills of his wife. If you’ve noticed, the more you try to change him with your voice, the worse he gets. And you know why? Because you’re dealing with the one thing that no man will compromise on, and that’s his ego. A man will let you play around with a lot, but what he will not let you mess with is his ego. Men have fought and killed since the beginning of time for their ego! Need I tell you the story of King David?
A woman can never fight the ego of a man successfully without getting bruised or maybe ‘killed’ in the battle. So, what do you do in dealing with your husband’s ego since it is getting in the way of a peaceful marriage? GET OUT OF THE WAY before you get trampled. God wants you to get out of the way so He can chastise him. God says be like Jesus in the same way. Now what was Jesus like? 1 Peter 2:22-23, “When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.”
Jesus didn’t threaten, he didn’t say, “Oh, so you’re going to be like that?! Well, I’ll do my own back! Two can play at this game abi?!” Jesus didn’t manipulate with his voice, he didn’t manipulate with crying, he didnt withhold what he had – He did his Father’s will and God made it work.
Let me ask you – Have you tried God’s way to change your husband, or have you been complaining and nagging all these years? Because if you have, then you’ve been asking God not to change him, that you’ll take care of it yourself. Do the opposite of what your husband expects in different situations. Make your husband stare at you and wonder, “What’s happened to my wife?” Ask your husband, “What can I do for you today?” Instead of coming home to hear, “please, I’m tired. What do you want to eat?! I bought noodles, go and make it yourself. I am not your slave..bla..bla…bla” No, it should be more like, “Honey, what can I cook for you today? What would you like to eat? How can I take care of you? How can I look good for you?” And he’s supposed to stare and say, “Huh?” Shock him with your help and your submission. Make him wonder what went wrong. Make him say, “Wow, I like this.” Now, you’re probably saying, “You don’t know my husband. He’s going to take advantage of that.” God says, “You leave that to me.” He’s asking you to trust in Him. As your husband observe your chaste, holy and respectful behaviour, he will definitely be won. Do your bit and let God handle the rest. Dem no pass God. Unless you think God is not capable